15 Week: Update on Baby "Thumper"

We are so excited and thankful that our appointment with the high risk specialist: Dr. B...it went very well back at 12 weeks.  She ran special tests to check our little pea for chromosome problems.  It was quite the appointment...it took 30mins to get baby hardy in the right position for the tests...for some reason he or she thought it would be more fun to stand on its head rather than cooperate!!! Dr. B expressed that we might have our hands full when this little one arrives....oh gosh...lol!  Baby "Thumper" did finally flip around and did great & all the tests so far have checked out ok.  Here is a picture taken at that appointment.  We got lots of pics of our beautiful little pea, but this one was by far our favorite!  Unbelievable for just 12 weeks old!

Today actually marks 15 weeks!  We went back to see Dr. D today & everything looked great!  She has been giving us ultrasounds at each appointment.  Today it was on a hand held machine...pretty neat...it's about the size of an i-phone.  Thumper had a strong heartbeat, but wasn't too excited to see us...he or she was snoozing the entire time!!! Dr. D tried poking & prodding, but Thumper slept straight through it.  She thought maybe this was a good sign & we'll have a very laid back little bambino! 

Other news on the baby front:  Baby Hardy has decided to make a slight appearance on the outside of my belly! It's official...I've got a little "Thumper" bump!

T & I are so unbelievably excited! We still can't stop smiling every time we think about our little miracle baby! We love him or her so much & are counting down the days until we get to finally hold our miracle in our arms!  God is so Good & we are so thankful!

Plan E...Our Miracle!

Well it's safe to say I've taken a long enough hiatus from my blog.  I can honestly say I haven't even looked at it since I posted my last post back in July.  I'm long overdue for an update, It's going to be a BIG update so I've divided it up into parts, so here goes:

Part 1
Back in July I hit a pretty bad low in my life's journey.  I've never been so frustrated, saddened, & plan less in my entire life.  I'm the type of person that has got to have a plan....I not only have to have a plan A, but also, most definitely a plan B  & just in case I might need it...a plan C.  July left me feeling completely out of control and out of plans...we had plowed through, Plans A, B, & C and there was no Plan D in the works or even in site.

Just when things seemed to be falling completely a part we got a mystery gift in our mailbox.  It was a book titled, "Plan B: What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought he would?"  by Pete Wilson.  T & I can both say that this book gave us our perspective back.  It helped us to see and understand that God shares in our grief & frustrations....he cries with us...he understands, but he also knows what's best for us. One of my favorite ah-ha quotes from the book:

"Your dreams may not be happening, and things aren't turning out the way you expected, but that doesn't mean your life is spinning out of control, It just means you're not in control."

How perfectly worded is that!  So hard to swallow for a planner, but so true and exactly what I need to read at exactly the right time.  The book goes on to parallel stories of the bible that encountered Plan B circumstances with our lives today.  It's the best book I've ever read.  The very last paragraph of the book said, 

"I'm asking you to trust that one day faith will win over doubt, that light will win over darkness, that love will win over hate, and that all things will one day be redeemed.  I'm asking you, right in the middle of your Plan B pain, to trust the process that is going on in your life.  It won't be finished for a while, but it has begun.  God will finish what he started.  Wait for it."

And that's exactly what T & I decided to do...we were willing to have faith and wait for it...

Part 2
July lasted for what seemed like forever, but it did eventually come to an end.  It wasn't until mid September that T & I began to talk about Plan D.  We were incredibly scared/nervous about what/where to go next with our infertility journey.  We began to talk about how financially, we could make another run at an IVF cycle...should we sell one of our cars, take out a loan, get extra or new jobs, or try our luck at the lottery?  Our next contemplation was: should we switch specialists or stay with Dr. B.  We both really liked Dr.B, but another doctor in OKC had a little bit better success statistics....do we gamble and switch or stay?  Talk about stressful decisions!

On October 10th I had an appointment with Dr. D, my regular OBGYN.  I discussed our contemplations with her and she advised switching.  She had done one of her residency's with Dr. R in OKC and she highly recommended him.  That's all we needed...a little push in one direction or the other, so as soon as I got home we called and made an appointment with Dr. R and got in one day later on October 11th.

We went to OKC, met with the doctors and got everything set up for our Plan D.  They were going to have one more round of IVF cycles before the new year and we got all signed up.  Dr. R said, just to call when my cycle began and we would then begin meds.

Part 3
A couple weeks went by and no cycle.  T & I didn't think anything of this due to my cycle always being unpredictable and crazy long.  Dr. R on the other hand began to worry about us missing the IVF cycle.  He called and said that my cycle had to start by Monday, October 24th.  On Saturday, the 22nd T & I headed to Target at 9 p.m. to pick up a pregnancy test (target brand, since we've already spent enough on the name brand test that we should own E.P.T).  We went home and I pee'd on the stick for the 1,000th time, set it on the counter and walked away.  T walked in and all he could get out was, "No way, am I really seeing this right?".  The Test had TWO lines...POSITIVE!  Neither of us could talk, we just laid in bed with huge smiles trying not to jinx anything.  The only thought I had was, " This has got to be the sickest joke God could ever play on us if its a faulty test b/c we got the Target brand"!

Turns out, it was no joke!  We went to the doctor on Monday for blood work and it came back at 144.  Went back on Wednesday and it was 320.  Dr. D said we were most definitely pregnant, but she was concerned because my levels were so low...she wasn't sure if I was already losing the baby.  She said to come back in a week and a half for an ultrasound because by then we should be able to see a heartbeat for sure.

We went in for that ultrasound and their was a baby, but no heartbeat.  I remember Dr. D seemed positive, but it was kinda that fake positive....I remember asking her our odds...she said she didn't like to give odds but honestly our odds were 30% less likely than the average couple at this turning out ok.  She said to come back in one week....at that point we will know for sure if we've lost it or if by chance God had blessed us with a miracle!

Part 4
Longest week ever!!!  The day finally arrived, and we nervously walked into the office for our ultrasound.  We saw the baby, and then we saw the FLICKER of the heart & heard the SWEETEST beat!  God had plans for our little miracle pea!!!  Dr. D joined us in the room and was beyond excited for us!   Before, she left she confessed that she had something to tell us...last week when we were in and asking odds she didn't have the heart to tell us that our little baby would have to beat all odds in order to make it.  She said that she has been doing this for a LONG time and has NEVER seen a baby on ultrasound where ours was a week ago and week later the heart actually start beating!  She added that we thought God performed a miracle by getting me pregnant, but he performed an even bigger miracle on our baby this week!!!  How amazing is that!!!

So, I'm so excited to announce to the world that we are currently 12 weeks pregnant with our Plan E:  "Miracle Pea"!!!  Let me just tell you...this is one cute little Miracle!  We went to the specialist today and got some really good pics!  Let me introduce to you our "Miracle Baby" of whom we currently call, "Thumper":

So, just in case someone reading this is in the midst or their own Plan B... take a long hard look above at our Plan E & let it remind you that you can't ever lose your faith in God!  He might just have a miracle waiting for you around the corner!!!

Heartbroken...

A week ago Monday (7-11-11) we went in for our 8 week/4 day ultrasound.  As we sat waiting for Dr. B to come in T & I talked about how we both had a "good" feeling about what we were about to see...we were so excited to see Baby "Hardy".  After, a few minutes (of which felt like eternity) Dr. B came in along with her nurse.  She began the ultrasound and right away Baby "H" popped up on the screen...at first sight we were over the top excited, Baby "H" had grown leaps & bounds & looked just like all the other 8-9 week baby ultrasound pics.  My excitement faded fast when the nurse slipped out & I looked up at Dr. B's face.  There was no smile, but yet a look of total concern...a few seconds later she said, "I don't like what I'm seeing" & our hearts sank.  She went on to tell us that the baby had grown, but the heart was not beating.  I just kept starring at the screen praying for it to start beating as the tears began to flow. 

Dr. B talked with us for a long while, explaining that she doesn't have an answer as to why this happened.  It could be due to our infertility issues or it could have just happened...there's no way of confirming why.  She was entirely genuine as she talked & consoled us.  She told us that she had been through two miscarriages herself and that she wishes there was something she could do or say to make it better, but she understands our heartbreak.  Thomas asked her what do we do now & she explained our options.  We could either have surgery or she would give us two weeks for it to happen naturally...it was entirely up to us.  She also explained that she's a doctor & science is what she knows, but more importantly she has a heart too, so she would understand if we wanted another ultrasound later.  As we walked out & drove home I couldn't control the tears as my emotions did flips from frustration, to sadness, to anger. 

Later, that morning we called Dr. B to schedule surgery.  There was no way that I could handle the thought of knowing that it could  happen at anytime & even more so, there was no way that I could take seeing it.  Dr. B was incredibly nice about everything, called us back personally & scheduled the surgery for the next morning: 7-12-11 (I'll never forget that date). 

We had to be at the hospital at 6:00am for pre-op and the surgery was set for 7:30.  They got my I.V. started and we waited for them to come take me to the operating room...I began to panic...Dr. B promised me another ultrasound to double-check, but what if they put me out before I see her.  They came and took me back, but Dr. B rushed in and told them not to put me under yet, she grabbed my hand and asked if I wanted to see the baby again.  I'll never forget the sight of our precious baby for the last time....Dr. B held my hand as we looked & again saw no heartbeat...I will be forever thankful to her for that last visual image of our little baby....I just wish "T" could have seen too.

I woke up in recovery & a couple hours later we were on our way home.  Leaving the hospital, getting in the car, & driving away without our baby was the worst feeling I've ever experienced in my entire life...as I cried Thomas told me that we can't think of it like that because that isn't what happened.  We didn't leave without our baby, but we set him/her free to go to heaven.  My husband is one amazing man & always knows what to do/what to say...he's exactly right...Baby Hardy is livin it up in the greatest of places!

This last week & a half has been incredibly difficult....hands down the toughest time of my life yet.  Losing our baby paired with another failed IVF cycle, no more insurance assistance, no frozen embryos, & no plan equals a level of frustration that is indescribable.  Our hearts are broken.  We are holding tight to our faith & know that God will pull us through...we still have hope and haven't given up to one day have our miracle in our arms for the very first time.

More Waiting...

Friday morning, we went in to Dr. B's for our first ultrasound.  I can't explain our emotions...we were incredibly excited, nervous, & a bit scared.  Right away Dr. B found the sac & a couple minutes later she spotted the yolk and a dot in the middle of the yolk which is "Baby Hardy"!  We were hoping to see a heartbeat, but unfortunately it wasn't quite visible.  Dr. B informed us that if all is well, it should start beating within the next few days & that for some women 6 weeks is just too early.  After, talking with her we got the impression that our odds are 50/50...she has seen it go both ways.  So, now we have to once again do what we do best....WAIT...oh how we are soooo tired of waiting.  This time, due to Dr. B going on vacation, we have to wait not one week, but TWO weeks for our next ultrasound.  In the mean time I have to keep on keeping on with my progesterone shots each night & my weekly acupuncture appointments with Dr. L.B.

Until then, we will continue to do our best at staying positive & most importantly continue to pray for our little Pea!

6 Week old "Baby Hardy"

Lower than Expected : (

Friday, I had my blood work done at 8:00 and the IVF coordinator called with the results just before 11:00.  She started the conversation out with, "We're a bit concerned...".  My heart sank.  She went on to say that my beta came back at 617, which is below normal...they were expecting it to be just over 1000.  Now, we have to once again WAIT for another week...I'm so over "waiting"!!!  We will go back Friday, June 24th for an ultrasound to see what's going on.  I can't explain how frustrating this entire infertility battle has been. I'm ready for us to catch a break & for something to go smoothly.

We are trying to stay only positive (easier said than done, but we are trying) as we PRAY, PRAY, PRAY for good news to come!   Please, Lord take care of our little pea & help him/her to keep growing!!!

Over the Moon!!!

On Friday I had my blood work drawn at 8:30, we then came home and waited...as we sat staring at the phone I kept thinking about how crazy it is that ONE phone call can make or break us...break our hearts, or change them forever!  At 11:30 the phone finally rang and we heard the greatest news!  I'll never forget how it felt to hear the one line we had been waiting for, for sooo long, "I have really good news...YOU'RE PREGNANT"!!!  We are over the moon excited & so thankful for this awesome gift God has blessed us with!  When I say excited...I'm talking REALLY EXCITED...can't sleep, smiling all the time kind of excited!!!!!

As of today we are 4 weeks, 4 days along...my beta back on Friday came back at 122 & Dr. B said that it should come close to doubling every two days.  We go back on Friday for more blood work to make sure it's climbing as it should.  T did the math and thinks it should be around 1,000.  If things look good Friday, Dr. B will schedule our first ultrasound for next week!  We're so stoked to see our little miracle or miracles!!!

If you are reading this post...you're in on the most "awesome" of secrets!  We have decided to keep our news on the down low, due to it being so incredibly early.  We want to wait a few more weeks/few more doctor appointments to tell the world our news, so please help us keep the secret!!!  We would also like to thank everyone for all of the prayers...this reminds us that GOD is so AWESOME, prayers are answered, & miracles do happen!!!

Here's how we told our families the news:



Here's a pic of our first ever POSITIVE!!!



5 Days!

We're praying hard here at the Hardy house!!! Five days left until we find out what God has in store for us for the next 9 months....holy cow...that's crazy to think about, but super exciting!  Gus is even praying for a little bro/sis...he said he's got lots of tricks to teach: sit, stay, shake, how to chew bones, dig holes, sneak snacks off the counter, & take naps!!!

Transfer Complete!

Tuesday was an all around good day!  I began the morning with Dr. L.B. for pre-transfer acupuncture.  It went well...I left feeling relaxed & ready for transfer.  Dr. L.B. is always contagiously positive no matter what the circumstances/odds might be...so it was a good place to start the day considering we hadn't received an update since Monday morning when they had dropped in grade.  Positiveness was key!

We headed to Dr. B's just before 2:00.  She took us back to her office to discuss everything before the transfer.  She first informed us that one of the embryos had stepped up in grade to a 4A & the other was a 3B...both great grades to stick for the long haul (I felt a bit of weight drop from my shoulders...they did it...they stayed strong in time for transfer).  Dr. B then discussed with us how nervous she was too this weekend...she even said that on Sunday, she was to nervous to check on their grades & decided not to call Dr. T for the update, but rather wait until Monday morning when she arrived at the clinic.  She said that she was so excited when we got 15 eggs, but when only 2 fertilized the excitement faded & the nerves set in.  She expressed that this affirms that there is something about T's sperm & my eggs coming together...somethings just not working, but, once they do connect they create strong embryo's.  Dr. B was very hopeful & told me she would have her fingers & toes crossed, & be praying for a positive!

Next, they took me back to the O.R. for the transfer.  Once, again the full bladder was a killer!  Think of having a completely full bladder and then having someone push hard on it with the ultra-sound....all while spread eagle in stirrups...not a good combination!  Dr. B was really excited about the transfer, she kept telling me how perfectly smooth it went! She said, that we have given them the best of chances....good graded embryos paired with a smooth transfer. 

So, now we wait, wait, wait!  This is by far the toughest part of the entire IVF process.  We wait for my beta test day to come (10 days) and pray that both lil' peas are attaching and holding tight!

Our two super cute Pea's!!!

Embryo Update #4

Today's update arrived and left us feeling a bit more nervous than before...she informed us that both of our lil' Peas are now grade 3 embryo's.  We were so hoping that they would hold steady as grade 4's until transfer.  So, now they have until 2:00 tomorrow afternoon to hold steady as 3's or to move back up to 4's...we are confidant that they can do it!!!  Hardy & I are trying to stay super positive as we pray for our lil' ones to grow, grow, grow!!!  We also have been praying for Dr. B....she's got the biggest, most intricate job of all tomorrow...transferring them back to me. 

Tomorrow at 8:15 am I will go see Dr. L.B for pre-transfer acupuncture, Dr. B for transfer at 2:00 & then back to Dr. L.B. for post-transfer acupuncture.  Fingers & toes crossed  for tomorrow to be a "Great" day! 

Lord, please be with our tiny peas...they need your miraculous touch now more than ever! 

Embryo Update #3

Good News once again!!!  As soon as church ended we rushed to the car to get our update.  Both babies are still grade 4's!!!  They are most definitely staying strong and growing leaps and bounds each day.  Hardy read that as of today they are now in the 8 cell stage.  Tomorrow, they should jump to 16 cell stage & then on to 32 cell blasts just in time for transfer.  Fingers crossed for another great update tomorrow! 

Embryo Update #2

Wow, was yesterday a long day!  It felt like eternity before hearing our next update.  We finally got our message this morning right before 11:00.  GREAT NEWS thanks to all the prayers, as of today, both babies are grade 4's!!!  They grade them on a scale ranging from 1 to 4...a 4 is the top grade an embryo can receive which means it is forming awesomely without any fragmentation. 

Hardy and I are so happy for both of them, but continue to pray for their healthy development.  Our two lil' Peas will be in incubators until Tuesday.  Dr. B decided to go ahead and wait for the 5 day transfer rather than a 3 day.  This means that we have to make it through two more days of morning updates...so nerve racking, but ultimately worth every second if it's best for them! 

As we wait we continue to think positive and to pray, pray, pray!

Embryo Update #1

It's amazing how fast something so good can pull a 160.  Yesterdays greatness sure did fade fast.  This morning our update was anything, but great....of all 15 eggs, only 2 fertilized...looks like our odds are back to well below average, just like last time & to top it off we're left with no hopes of a back-up plan....we're all in & scared to death.  All we can do is pray that God grants our two little embryo's a fighting chance to make it...please God help them to stay strong.

Egg Retrieval Complete!

I would have updated yesterday, but I was kinda out of it...who knows what I would have typed!  Yesterday, we met with the anaesthesiologist and then they took me back to the O.R. around 10:00am.  The next thing I remember didn't occur until around 1:00.  The actual retrieval only took Dr. B a half hour, but for some reason I had trouble waking up in recovery.  Hardy told me that I wouldn't talk or open my eyes & I was shaking & my eyes went blood shot.  Dr. C (anaesthesiologist) & Dr. B were trying to figure out what was going on.  Thomas said they began putting meds through my I.V. to help reverse the other meds, & they gave me sugars thinking it was my blood sugar.  Hardy, said at one point he began to get a little bit scared even.  But thank goodness, two hours later I began to come to...and this is when I heard the GREAT news!!!  You ready for it....here it is....FIFTEEN EGGS!!!  Dr. B rocked my world when she told me 15.  She was super excited and even said that there must of been an Angel helping her in the O.R.!!!

Dr. B also informed us that my estrogen levels were quite high, so she gave me a prescription for a med that will help with OHSS (ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome). I guess when you put 15 eggs in a house that usually holds 1 it can cause a little mess. Hopefully, the meds work out & fix the problem.  So, that ups my pill count to four prescriptions + Dr. L.B.'s meds + the infamous PROGESTERONE shots started last night...oh how I didn't miss those ginormous needles in my rear!!!  But, it's all worth it for "Baby Hardy"!

We arrived home from the fertility center around 3:00 and Dr. B called to check on me at 4:00.  She wanted to make sure I was doing ok after the crazy weird recovery.  She said that it was very, very rare & she's still not sure what caused me to struggle so much.  She also told me that of the 15 eggs, she already knew that 8 were mature enough to have a chance at fertilization...so, we're down to 8.  She said she's excited to see how many fertilize over night!!!  Props to Dr. B today...she was over the top helpful & it was very nice of her to call and check up on me.

So, just a recap:
IVF egg retrieval #1: 5 eggs retrieved, 4/5 mature, 2 fertilized
IVF egg retrieval #2: 15 eggs retrieved, 8/15 mature, (fingers crossed for 8 to fertilize)

So, now the waiting continues...this is the toughest part...knowing our lil' peas are in incubators and we have no clue how they are doing until they call us between 10:00 & 11:00 each morning with an update. All we can do is think positive, hope the time passes quickly, & pray, pray,pray for good news!

Waiting to be taken back to the O.R.

Once again, I was forced to sport the "sexy" grippy socks & hair net!

Hardy, modeling the net!

In recovery, out for the count!

Day 9 Stim Update

Well, things are moving along...we're getting more & more nervous/excited!  This morning my u/s showed that my follicles are very close to being ready for retrieval.  The IVF coordinator called my PRN line to tell us to TRIGGER tonight at 12:30 (looks like Hardy & I will be up late & all of my Dr. siblings must keep their phones close just in case we need a lil' help)!  Retrieval is also set for Thursday morning at 9:45.  So, now we pray for loads of eggs!!!  Holy Cow....I'm excited!!! Hoping for a better egg count when I wake up in recovery....no repeats of last cycle...please, no repeats!

Day 8 Stim Update

I went in this morning for yet another monitoring u/s paired with blood work.  The follicles are getting bigger and much harder to be measured due to being all jammed in to such a tiny space.  I watched the u/s screen until I noticed a good three that were ginormous in size compared to the others....she told me those will probably be "let go" in order to save the rest....at that I turned my head and quit asking questions, so I'm not sure how many more there were, or exact sizes.  The large ones I saw were right around 23mm.  I chose to look away, hoping that it would be easier to swallow...I knew it would kill me to see more that wouldn't make it to retrieval.  I pray that those three were it...no more.

My PRN message said to continue with the same shots, just a different p.m. dosage & to return tomorrow morning for more blood work & another u/s.  I'll try my best not to look away, for the sake of  a better update...no promises, but I'll give it my best! 

Day 5 Stim Update

We went to see Dr. B yesterday morning for our first monitoring u/s & blood work.  My blood work came back good and the u/s showed a much better result than IVF cycle #1.  I had 9 follicles on the left & 6-7 on the right.  Apparently my left ovary listened to my threatening pep-talk...I most definitely put it's life on the line this round...haha...give me some good follicles or REMOVAL!  The only part that wasn't the best was the size of the follicles.  They were once again sporadic in size...ranging from 4-5mm all the way to 18mm...we're hoping that works it's self out before retrieval.

The IVF coordinator left a message on my PRN line informing us to start Ganirelix shots immediately, & to keep administering the same meds/dosages until Monday when we return for our next u/s & blood work. 

Current Meds:
Follistim Shot 200iu (a.m.)
Ganirelix Shot (a.m.)
Dexamethason (a.m.)
Dual Pre-Natal
Folic Acid
Menopur 150iu (p.m.)
Dr. L.B fertility meds

My stomach is again beginning to look like "bruise" central & I feel about like the "Michelin Man" when it comes to bloatedness (if that's even a word), but it's all worth it for "Baby Hardy"!!!  Hardy & I are staying positive and looking forward to Monday's update!

P.S.  My last day of teaching for the year was also yesterday....hello SUMMER BREAK!

Let it Begin...Again...Round #2!

Mother Teresa once said, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish he didn't trust me so much".  I'm sure of it that her and I could have been the best of friends...too bad she couldn't have lived a few more decades.  I've thought of her quote a lot lately...thanks Mother Teresa for helping a "friend" out...I owe ya one!

I know, I know....it's been a few weeks since my last post, but I've been busy...VERY BUSY!  Finishing up the school year, golf, & doctors appointments have consumed the better part of my time, so here's the scoop on my life:

Hardy and I struggled to make our decision about what to do next with our infertility nightmare.  We layed it all on the table: IVF round #2 with same RE, IVF round #2 with new RE, acupuncture/herbs, or nothing.  We talked out the pros/cons of each option & quickly decided that prior to making a definite decision...we wanted to first get a second opinion with a different RE.  We got an appointment with Dr. R in OKC.  He was "hands down" awesome.  We could tell right away that he was dedicated and completely passionate about his job.  He looked over my records and talked with us about options.  He first confirmed that he recommended another round of IVF & second that he would use follistim and menopur (same as Dr. B).  The only component that he would do differently than Dr. B was Lupron instead of Ganirelex. 

We came home from OKC and again went over our options.  Although, we both liked Dr. R a lot...financially he was going to cost a considerable amount more than staying with Dr. B.  This included cost of treatment paired with multiple 2 hour trips to OKC & hotel stays.  We decided the best option for us at this time is to stay with Dr. B.  It's nice to know that we have Dr. R as a great back-up plan (fingers crossed that we won't need it).  Once, we decided to stay with Dr. B we then had to decide if we wanted to start IVF #2 right away or if we should give acupuncture/herbs more time.  Due to my school year time frame, we decided to go with IVF....the cycle starts just as summer begins...meaning I won't have to worry about missing school (I'm running out of sick days).

So, now that your caught up on our decision making process...I'll fill ya in on all the details.  I went in for my baseline u/s & blood work on May 12th.  I was cyst free and my levels were good to go for the cycle.  We start stim shots tomorrow, May 16th.  This time she put me on much higher dosages of follistim in the a.m & menopur in the p.m.  (This should be interesting for the hormones...poor Thomas!)  We then go in on Friday, May 20th for our first monitoring u/s & blood work to see follicle growth...positive thinking for LOTS of follicles on both sides!!!  I have been and will continue to see Dr. L.B. once a week for acupuncture and I am also taking fertility meds through her. Her and I were talking last week about round #2...we're hoping that the herbal drugs/acupuncture will only increase our odds for success.

Are we scared, nervous, anxious?  Most definitely...more than ever!  But on the other hand we are hopeful & as Mother Teresa said it best...we know that God won't give us what we can't handle, so we will keep our faith in God's plan for us...because through the good times and the tough times, we trust that he knows what's best for us.

So...here goes...wish us luck and lots of prayers!!!

                                                                                                   

Just a little Update

Thank goodness the weekend has arrived!  It feels like life has been so crazy with work, golf tournaments, coaching, doctor appointments & Thomas traveling...it's nice to have a couple days off to refresh!

This past week was a touch better emotionally, I think it was the beautiful weather...the sun finally decided to make an appearance...thank goodness!!!  Also, I met with Dr. D (my OBGYN), Dr. B (my RE), & Dr. L.B. (Acup) and received lots of updated information on our continuing journey through infertility. 

Dr. B met with us to discuss our failed cycle and her recommendations for future treatment.  Of coarse we went in expecting answers as to why our lil' guys didn't make it & as predicted there were no concrete answers.  Once the embryos are transferred to the uterus there's no way of knowing why or why not they take. (I guess it's just affirmation to what I've accepted, but am tired of hearing: "God just didn't have it in the cards for us" or "It wasn't in his plan" or "Kelly, everything happens for a reason").  Dr. B went on to tell us that she recommends IVF round #2.  This time with different stim meds (more shots) with hopes of producing more than 5 eggs.  She talked about that being a huge factor...I'm 27....the ultimate goal would be to have a minimum of 10.  Dr. B seemed positive and confidant in our next cycle being successful...I sure hope she's right.

After, meeting with Dr. B, I decided that I wanted to go back to meet with Dr. D to discuss where we've come in this infamous journey since she refered us out to the specialist.  To be honest, I was excited to meet with her....I've gone to her for a long time and I trust her.  Like I told her..."I'm here because I'm bummed, nervous, frustrated, & scared about where we've come & about what to do next."  Dr. D was completely empathetic, honest, & 100% helpful.  She gave me her honest opinion about what steps to take next & made me feel better (more normal) about my emotional craziness.  She met with me for a good 40mins & when I got up to walk out she gave me a hug & wrote no-charge on my chart.  That says a lot about a doctor...I feel pretty blessed to have her as my physician.

To end the week, on Thursday I went to see Dr. L.B. for acupuncture.  As always...she was completely helpful and optimistic.  Every week I look forward to my appointment...she's awesome about answering all of my crazy questions, being completely supportive, & making me feel more positive & relaxed.  Once again...we're blessed to have yet another great doctor helping us throughout this journey!

As for now, Thomas & I have some big decisions to make...what to do next & of course when to do it.  Please, Lord help us to make the right decisions!

Staying Postive

It's almost been two weeks and has honestly felt like two months...I guess time drags when you're on the mend trying to put yourself back together.  We're doing better everyday and are doing our best to stay positive.  I have to admit that staying "positive" has never been so hard.  Thomas definitely takes the cake on this one...he has been amazing...he motivates me everyday to keep smiling & pushing through. 

As for now, we are waiting for our next leg of this tenacious journey to begin.  Surprise, suprise we're once again waiting.  If anyone needs any help in the "patience" department, just give us a call...we can most definitely hook you up!  In the mean time I will continue to see Dr. L.B. once a week & we will meet with Dr.B again soon. 

Down & Out

On Wednesday I went in for blood work at 8:00 and at 11:15 the phone rang with the news.  My heart sank as soon as I heard the tone of her voice...I knew what she was about to say & I didn't want to hear it...hanging up on her actually crossed my mind.  She told me that my number had done the opposite of what we had hoped and prayed so hard that it would do.  It went down to 15...which means that we lost both of our little peas.  I don't know how else to describe myself other than heartbroken & full of frustration.  I know that God has a plan, and this is it...I get that & believe it, but it still doesn't take the hurt away. 

After hearing the news, I couldn't stop the tears...and after the tears came the frustration & just wanting to scream and punch something.  To top off the day, Thomas was off on a work trip to Mississippi...killer timing for him to have to leave.  Poor guy...leaving was the last thing he wanted to do.  Thank goodness it was just an overnight trip.  I've got to say that Dr. L.B. came through at just the right time.  She had me come in that afternoon and was so helpful.  She answered all of my questions, explained to me what to expect in the next few days and just listened as I explained my frustrations.  I left her office feeling a lot better than when I walked in.  Pretty awesome to have a doctor who cares that much.

As for now, Thomas and I are taking the days as they come.  We go back to meet with Dr. B a week from Monday.  We look forward to hearing her thoughts on our failed cycle and to hear what she thinks is in the cards for us in the future.  We most definitely have lots of questions for her & hope that she has lots of answers.

To our little peas...we will always love you & can't wait to meet you in Heaven!

More Waiting...

Yesterday morning at 8:15 I went in for my beta test.  We came home and did some more of what we seem to do a lot of lately......WAIT.  We waited by the phone for the call that could possibly change our lives.  It finally rang at 10:45.  I nervously answered and she said,

"You're pregnant, but....your level came back at 23 and that is a very low number for 14dpt, so either there's something not going good with the babies, or you're just one of the very few women that are slow hcg producers.  We want you to keep taking your meds & come back Wednesday morning for another beta test.  If your number doubles then things could look up. So, we'll all keep our fingers and toes crossed for a double on Wednesday."

So, there you have it...more waiting.  We are more nervous/scared than ever, but are still trying to stay positive.  All we can do now is pray that things go well on Wednesday.  I let Dr. L.B. know the news yesterday and she sent me a lot of helpful information about the numbers and arranged to get me in today.  I felt a lot better and more relaxed after I left her office.

So, until tomorrow...we will continue to wait & pray...with our fingers and toes crossed for good news.

One Week!

Exactly one week from today this dreadful  2ww will be over & we can't wait!!!  Today, it was back to work for me...what a day it was too!  It was the beginning of the 50 minute longer school day, golf was crazy, & I even had one break down with full fledged tears.  Thank goodness only one other teacher witnessed the tears...so embarrassing...a stressful situation mixed with my injections and hormones equals emotional craziness.  Once again, Thomas came through and turned a not so good day into a great evening.  He surprised me & showed up to golf practice & then made me dinner!  I love that guy so darn much!!! He's the best! 

Speaking of Hardy, I've got a good story on him!!!  Every night he gives me my progesterone shot & as I mentioned in my last post...the needle is HUGE!  Well, last night he gave me the shot like always and then he went to put the cap on the needle in order to remove it from the syringe.  Lets just say things didn't go as planned.  He missed with the lid and stabbed himself with the needle & it went all the way through his THUMB!!!  It was and still looks pretty nasty.  Poor guy!  Although, I did have to remind him that I have to feel that needle every night...now, he legitimately feels my pain!  Here's a pic of him, Gus, & the wounded/bandaged thumb.

Back to my not so good day...when I arrived home Thomas handed me a letter that we received today from his cousin Sheri.  What a perfect day to receive a letter like this one.  It made my day & brought tears to my eyes.  She also sent two prayers that we will most definitely add to our nightly list.  Thank you Sheri for your words of encouragement and for all the prayers...it truly means so much to us! 

Until, my next post we will continue to stay positive, PATIENT, and pray for good news!

2 Week Wait...

The infamous two week wait is harder than ever, but as of today we are three days down, with eleven to go!  We are hanging in there trying to keep ourselves occupied as we wait.  I must say that this week hasn't been that bad.  I took off work to relax, hang with Thomas and Gus and give our lil' guys a good chance at attaching.  It's been a nice, stress free few days. 

Someone asked me today if I was feeling any pregnancy symptoms.  I am feeling signs, but it's due to my nightly progesterone shots.  They put off a lot of the same things a newly pregnant women would feel.  Speaking of these shots...HUGE NEEDLES...thank goodness for the lidocaine cream.  Without that cream it would be a long 12 weeks!  Tomorrow, I go to see Dr. L.B. for acupuncture.  I'm sure she'll get a good laugh out of Thomas's blue sharpie circles he's drawn all over my butt!!!  Each night he draws a circle and places the lidocaine in it, so then 45 minutes later he won't miss the spot with the shot.  I'll take a sharpied behind over the pain of that big needle any day!!!

Our family and friends have once again been over the top amazing!  We can't thank you enough for all the thoughts and prayers!  Thank you also for the visits, cards, messages & fabulous food!  My fam surprised us and brought dinner, cake, and flowers over for my birthday...made a perfect ending to our great day!   Megan brought her famous "steak soup" & cornbread to us for egg/retrieval! Tuesday night Sharon brought us chicken pot-pie, blueberry bread, & brownies!  Today, Joell & Jill came to visit with chocolate chip cookies!  We feel very blessed!

We've been praying this prayer for our lil' peas each night....we pray it twice, one time for each of our peas!

Bless this Little Child, Lord

Lord, look down from

heaven above

And touch this special

child with love,

Protect and guide

this little one

Till each and

every day is done:

Remind us often

that it's true:

This little life is a gift from You.

A miracle you've

sent our way!

Lord, bless this

little child today.

Transfer Complete = Best B-day Ever!

Today was one day that I will never forget!  We got to the fertility center at 1:30.  They took us back to meet with Dr. B.  She said that it has been a roller coaster of a few days, but our two lil' guys hung in there and are doing great.  One of them was still rated at a 3, while the other one had jumped up to a 4 (This is great news considering the scale ranges from 1 to 4)!  We signed the transfer papers and they took me to the back to get changed into my favorite get-up...hospital gowns, grippy socks, & the sexy hair net!  The nurse then took me back to the operating room to prepare me for transfer.  Let me emphasize that they told me to come with a full bladder and at this point I am already about to explode.  She got me situated on the table and then we waited for what seemed like hours to someone with a close to exploding bladder.  Finally, Dr. B came in and began the transfer.  The worst part is that while Dr. B is transferring, the nurse is pushing on my FULL blatter with the ultrasound.  The only thing running through my head over and over was....please don't pee on Dr. B, please don't pee on Dr. B!  Dr. T brought in our two lil' peas, handed them over to Dr. B, she then transferred them and I was on my way to recovery.  I was to wait another 30 minutes tilted upside down with hopes that they are securing themselves for the long haul!  We then headed straight to Dr. L.B. for acupuncture. She was awesome to get us in right away, within an hour after transfer.  It was relaxing from what I remember of it...I was kinda out of it due to the meds they gave me for transfer...pretty sure Dr. L.B. and Thomas got some good laughs!

We even got pictures of our two lil' peas...they're the cutest circle of cells I've ever seen!  Thomas and I were so excited that we even had to take our first family photo!

Thank you Lord for our two lil' peas & my miraculous birthday presents....they are perfect!  We now pray that they both attach and hold strong!

One Great Day!

It's been a long day, but a great one too!  This morning we got up and went to church, which helped with the waiting game, but we were definitely nervous/excited for ten to roll around.  Thomas, Mark, Mom, & I decided to try out a new little coffee shop for breakfast...so there we sat...Thomas made the call...no message on the PRN line.  So, we sat and he called over and over & still no message.  10:30 rolled around and still no dice!  Then, my phone rang & the caller I.D. read "Dr. B"....wow, was I nervous to answer that phone call.  I answered it & the IVF coordinator began telling me to be at the fertility center tomorrow at 1:30...I had to interrupt her and ask, "So, does this mean that our embryo's are doing good"?  She responded with some great news: "Yes, their both doing very good, rated at 3's and are ready for transfer tomorrow."  I can't remember anything else that she said...I hung up the phone, turned to Thomas with a huge smile & some tears & I told him the news!  The first thing out of his mouth..."Kelly, what's tomorrow"?  Then, it hit me...tomorrow is my birthday & I'm going to receive two lil' miracles as gifts!  How awesome is that!  Maybe, just, maybe 27 won't be so bad after all!

So, now we continue to pray for our lil' peas to attach tomorrow and to hold strong & grow, grow, grow!!!  We go in for transfer at 1:30 and then directly to Dr. L.B.'s for acupuncture.  Tomorrow's going to be another great day!!!